Today has been a public holiday and we have used the long weekend just to prepare ourselves for a week in which myself and my family will be embarking on a new journey. In the week ahead I will once again be packing my bags as I prepare to move out, for me this is not just about leaving my home it is about leaving life as I knew it. I have faced many obstacles over the last few months, many of which have pained me in overcoming, I have conquered fears and I have made a decision which I know is right not only for me, but for those I love as well. We will be trying to explain the separation (not sexuality) to our children during the course of the week, it is something that my wife and I are giving allot of thought to ensure that we are unified and ready for what will probably be the hardest hurdle for both of us.
As a parent one wants only the best for their children, when my kids were born I wanted to wrap them in cotton wool, shield them from the world and protect them from pain. It is hard now for me to not feel torment that it is I who will be inflicting pain into their still very young lives. The world is not a perfect place, we face obstacles and challenges throughout our lives, but in knowing that my wife and I are determined not only to ensure the best for our children, but to try and do it whilst maintaining a friendship and mutual respect for each other. I am not running away, I am not even walking away for that matter, so many of my decisions that I have taken over the last few months has always factored my children's well being into account.
There is a poem by Kahlil Gibran that goes as follows:
"Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You give them your love but not your thoughts, for they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness:
For even as He loves the arrow that flies so He loves also the bow that is stable."
I can already see the look my son will give me when we try and tell and reassure the children. It is probably my greatest fear and even as I write this I can feel the pain and weight on my chest. I do know that although this is not an ideal situation for any child, my wife and I have an opportunity here to teach our children the most amazing lesson. I have often written about how it is not the mistakes we make in life, but what we do with those mistakes. The same applies here, it is not the situation that will ultimately scare or mark our children, but rather how we broach it, live it and act going forward, so that rather than leaving a wake of disaster we can leave a legacy that will allow them to not only claim there lives, but to live it fully, happily and truthfully.